Today I got in trouble for being disrespectful to my substitute teacher. I was just being sarcastic, but now I have to write you this note. I'm sorry.
Below Mad Dog's writing, Mrs. S., a teacher from the class across the hall, wrote her account of the situation, which, as you can imagine, shed more light on what went down.
Evidently, the sub was having difficulty quieting down Mad Dog's class, when my daughter made a wise crack that got the class even more riled up. The teacher heard the comment, stepped in the classroom and yanked Mad Dog out into the hall.
I was just being sarcastic.
Not a good defense.
Clearly, Mad Dog needed to be set straight. So Mark and I decided to throw the book at her.
The American Heritage College Dictionary, to be exact.
Mark dug his musty old dictionary out of a box in the garage. It was green with mildew. He wiped down the cover with a damp cloth.
Despite its improved appearance, the book still reeked with age.
We sat Mad Dog down at the kitchen table.
"Do you think that being sarcastic is a good thing?" I asked.
"Well, sarcasm is funny. I was just trying to be funny," she responded.
"Let's look it up."
Mad Dog flipped through the pages, holding her nose.
sarcasm - A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
She paused at the word "butt" when she read it aloud.
"A few words stand out to me," I said. "Wound. Victim. Contempt. Those are hurtful words. Not funny ones."
She nodded in agreement.
"Copy it," I said, sliding a blank sheet of loose leaf and a No. 2 pencil toward her.
Mad Dog dropped her shoulders slightly, but took the pencil without protest.
When she was finished, I had her look up and record another word: obey.
obey - To carry out or fulfill the command, order, or instruction of. To carry out or comply with (a command, for example). To behave obediently.
"Now, I'd like you to write a letter apologizing to your sub," I said. "And please be sure to use the words sarcasm and obey."
Mad Dog dutifully wrote a letter of apology. It read, in part:
I'm sorry for being sarcastic. I should have obeyed you.
When she was finished, she folded up her letter and definitions, put them in her backpack, and went up to her room.
Not to brag or anything, but I'm really pleased with how the whole thing went down. The punishment fit the crime and Mad Dog learned something. There was no need to lecture. No need to yell. It was a teachable moment and we taught her something.
Which leads me to look up a word on my own:
parenting - The rearing of a child or children, especially the care, love, and guidance given by a parent.
A few words stand out to me. Care. Love. Guidance.
Mission accomplished.
I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of that musty old dictionary in the future.
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