Behavior Boot Camp

If you've spent more than 2.5 minutes with my kids, you know they can be, uh, rambunctious. They're often loud, boisterous and, well, loud. When we come by, we don't just visit, we invade.

There have been many drives home when I tell the kids how embarrassing their behavior had been. They don't watch where they're walking, they interrupt grownups when talking and they are prone to bouts of rough housing just about anywhere the mood strikes.

I've been struggling with this behavior ever since the twins were three. I have tried timeouts, taking away privileges and spanking. While their behavior, like any kids, will peak and valley, I have felt lately that their peaks come fewer and farther between.

Don't get me wrong, they can be lovely sometimes. They can be polite, helpful and downright sweet. But I'm not blind. I know there's room for improvement.

One morning, on the commute to work, Mark and I took stock of the situation. Together, we'd implemented Operation Mommie Dearest with great success. Dinnertime complaints and poky eating had dropped significantly.

If we can lick those dinnertime tantrums, we can lick this.

So we analyzed the situation and developed a strategic plan:


BEHAVIOR BOOT CAMP

Goals:

1. The kids will learn to play nicely, either together or alone, quietly.
2. The kids will learn and display self-control, which will end their rambunctious behavior.

Tactics:

1. Reduce the amount of screen time in the house.
   We realized that once we turn off the TV, the kids typically spring up and off the couch with loads of pent-up energy. Within minutes, they're either wrestling, arguing, or acting wild. By reducing couch time, we hope they'll expend their energy evenly and not in wild bursts.
   
2. Develop chores for which each child is responsible.
   By giving the kids new responsibilities, we hope to foster maturity and create more opportunities to praise and reward positive behavior. Daily chores include alternating table duty (setting/clearing the dinner table) and keeping shoes tidy and clear from the front doorway.
   
3. Enforce a "Hands Off" rule.
   The kids are always touching each other. Sometimes it's sweet, like holding hands, and other times it's, well... not. A hug can escalate into a headlock in seconds. So that's why we're now simply saying, "hand's off."
   
4. Alter our discipline approach. No more warnings.
   This sounds harsh, but it's really not. I used to count to three or give a few chances to redeem oneself before doling out discipline, but what's happened is the kids now wait until the last second or just before they lose a privilege before obeying my request. Now, they need to act the first time asked in order to avoid the consequence.

It's been a week since implementing Behavior Boot Camp and we've already had remarkable results. The kids' behavior is much more civilized. They have begun playing nicely and have adopted the chores without complaint. I think they like the idea of having responsibility. It makes them feel valuable and important.

I think every parent loses control of their kids every once in a while. Even the sweetest kid has moments when they turn into a screaming banshee. Admitting your kids need work is hard and recognizing that some of your parenting tactics to date have been unsuccessful is even harder. For a while I felt like a failure. I failed myself and I failed my kids.

But now, after seeing the initial results, let me tell you, regaining control and imparting peace and relative tranquility makes it worthwhile.