Share and share alike

I've never counted how many times I've told the kids to share in one day, but I'm pretty sure it's between 20 and 5,000.

The girls have to share a room, many of their clothes and most of their toys. And all the kids have to share a TV and video/DVD collection, the computer and, well, me.

Share Bear.

They're not always happy to share so much with each other. Of course this leads to countless fights, many of which get awfully heated. And so I assume the dual role of judge and referee, encouraging them to "work out a plan" to share their things.

I've recently come to the realization, that when I tell them to "share", I'm telling them to adopt a behavior I seldom model myself. My kids don't see me share, because most adults don't need to do it much. Think about it. Do you share your clothes, jewelry or cell phone with anyone else?

Since being on my own for three years now, I have systems and rituals that are pretty well established. It's going to be an adjustment for me to learn how to share space with Mark. (Sharing space with kids is relatively easy, especially when you're the only adult in the house. What you say, goes.)

Rainbow Brite knows how to share.

Mark's also facing a major adjustment. Like me, he hasn't had to share much and his routines are even more established. Since being discharged from the Air Force where he had to share everything except the contents of his footlocker, Mark's always called his own shots and done things his way - without the need to consult anyone else.

We jokingly apply the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) to our ever-growing list of items we're starting to share. Here's an example:

JESS: Honey, I need to run to the store. Can I take your truck?

MARK: My truck? No way. This can't be happening. (DENIAL)

JESS: Yeah, it's blocking my van in the driveway."

MARK: NO! Nobody drives my truck but me. (ANGER)

JESS: Please? I don't want to have to move both vehicles.

MARK: I'll move them so you can take the van. And here's $10 for gas and $50 more for groceries. (BARGAINING)

JESS: Seriously? You won't let me just take your truck?

MARK: Just leave me and my truck alone. Sniff, sniff. (DEPRESSION)

JESS: Don't cry. I'll take the van.

MARK: No, that's okay. I love you and trust you. Here are the keys. (ACCEPTANCE)

You can be assured that I too, go through these stages - often several times a day.

With moving day only 3 weeks away, we're taking it step by step. We've already covered some of the biggies, like coffee pots, closets and checking accounts. Together, we've expressed our needs and wants and have come up with plans that'll make us both happy.

While it might be a little bumpy at first, I know that we'll all be okay. We're avoiding petty disagreements by staying focused on our larger goal - becoming one, big happy family. And keeping a sense of humor along the way doesn't hurt either.