I'm blessed with a big, crazy family. A family that keeps me full of crazy stories. Here's the cast of characters. Their names have been changed to protect the innocent. (Or not-so innocent. Whatever the case may be.)
The Husband: Mark
What can I say about Mark? I often tell him that I hope my next husband is half as understanding as he. When I met Mark, he was a hip, single bachelor who'd just moved to town and was looking for a cool apartment and an inside connection to the city's best restaurants and bike trails.
Uh, yeah. Somehow he found me: A minivan-driving single mom to three wild and crazy kids.
All I can say is, thank God his standards are low.
The Twins: Mad Dog & The Duece
My oldest kids are twin girls. Armpit-deep in tween hell, life with these two can be alternately fun and frustrating.
Mad Dog, 10, is my wild child. The one who needs to be reminded to brush her hair and exercise just an ounce of self-control. She's the oldest by four minutes. Which totally counts.
The Deuce, 10 minus 4 minutes, is the puppet master of the kids. She's a master manipulator, able to get the others to do her bidding without even realizing it. She's also the embodiment of a curse my own mother bestowed 26 years ago -- that'd I'd someday have a child who acts exactly as I did. Mission accomplished.
The Boy: Crowbar
Crowbar, 5, is my only son. He's clever, quick and witty -- all necessary survival skills for a boy with three sisters. I like to think it's no coincidence that his pee-wee baseball team was sponsored by our local liquor store.
The Baby: Sweet Pea
Sweet Pea, 3 months, is the newest addition to the family. Mark and my only child together, she'll no doubt grow up to be spoiled rotten. Still she's cute as hell and, for now, it's OK.