A three-tooth extraction = one, guilty Tooth Fairy.

The most painful thing Mad Dog has ever undergone is having her ears pierced. That is, until now.

Yesterday, Mad Dog had to have three teeth extracted. The poor kid. She's only 8 and had to undergo a procedure similar to having her wisdom teeth out. She had a mesioden, or an extra tooth above one of her two front teeth. We were told it's fairly common.

Well, the kid was a trooper. Marched into the office, plopped in the chair and announced to the staff,

"I hear you get more money from the Tooth Fairy for teeth that get pulled out."

Ten minutes later, she was stitched up and sent on her way with a little envelope full of her teeth.

Yes, it was me who told her those teeth would bring in more than the others. I said it out of guilt that somehow, through my genetics, I'm responsible for that weird extra tooth. Her dad has perfect teeth, but I did the whole retainer-braces thing. So, it was my fault.

So, what's a pulled tooth worth? $5? A new toy? A pony? The thought of my baby being subjected to such pain was unbearable.

The Deuce was the first kid in the house to lose a tooth. It was last year, when she was in 2nd grade. When she first reported her wiggly, loose tooth, I had a few days notice to survey my friends and co-workers to learn what's the going rate on baby teeth. Their answers varied, but in the end I settled on a dollar, delivered as four, shiny quarters.

In addition to the coins, I wrote a letter from the Tooth Fairy herself, using a purple pen and as fancy, flowery-looking lettering as possible.

Dear Deuce,

Great job! Your tooth looks great. I can tell that you did a great job brushing your teeth because the tooth is so white and shiny. This tooth will make a great addition to my collection.

With love,
The Tooth Fairy

When The Deuce woke up, she reached under her pillow and found the letter with the quarters taped to the front.

"WOW!" she exclaimed. "Four quarters!"

Mad Dog looked over her shoulder at the letter and shrugged.

"My friend, Riley, said the Tooth Fairy brought her 5 bucks and a Barbie."

Not deterred, The Deuce responded,

"Yeah, but this is 4 quarters. That's 100 cents!"

I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

In the end, the Tooth Fairy brought Mad Dog a crisp $5 bill. I decided there was no need to overdo it after watching her beat the snot out of Crowbar in a wrestling match just before bed. She was hopped up on Motrin and was bouncing off the walls.

Kids are resilient. They're much tougher than we grown-ups are. It's like the old black and white TV show where the Ward Cleaver-looking dad takes his son over his knee to deliver a spanking. He says, "Son, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

So true.