Waiting to Exhale.

Ever since Mark moved in, I can't believe how heavily I've been sleeping. Each night, by 9 p.m., I'm dog tired. My arms and legs feel like they're made of lead and I can barely stay awake. A few mornings, I've even woke up in exactly the same position I fell asleep in. And, when my alarm goes off, I struggle to wake up and get out of bed.

This is not normal for me.

I used to go to bed by 10:30 or 11, sleep rather lightly and easily bounce out of bed by 4:15. And I didn't need quite so much coffee to get myself moving.

At first I figured that this new sleep pattern was a side effect of stress from the move. I thought that in a few nights, I'd return to normal. But it hasn't exactly played out that way. It's been almost a month and even though I'm getting more sleep, I'm still waking up groggy, yearning for more.

But then, it occurred to me. I think before Mark got here I was forced to be a light sleeper. As the only adult in a house with small children, I slept with one eye open, always able to hear every noise - every sigh, sniffle and murmur - no matter how faint. I had to be ready to hop out of bed and respond to whatever need might arise.

Now, I can share that responsibility with someone else. Mark's totally capable of hearing creaky floorboards and wild weather outside. He's as able to hear Crowbar in the hall and usher him back to bed with a drink of water as I am.

I don't have to be the sole night guardsman anymore.

I think my body knows this. I think it knows I don't have to be on high alert anymore and it's finally allowing me to fully and completely relax and get a good night's sleep. My first good, deep sleep in three years!

I can't help but think of that movie, Waiting to Exhale. In it, the characters go through a lot of drama. Eventually, as each character resolves her conflict, she lets out a big, deep exhale.

That's how I feel. Even though I didn't know it at the time, I was trudging forward, carrying the weight of my little world on my shoulders. Even though I was still managing to move forward, it was slow and laborious.

Now, as I begin to share some of that load, I'm beginning to fully realize just how heavy it is. With Mark's help, as my load lightens, I'm finally able to take a much needed rest.

With Mark here, I can finally exhale.