Back from the dead...I hope.

Let me tell you, pancreatitis is a bitch.

Just after writing that last post, my stomach started hurting again and I found myself back in the hospital for six more days. A CT scan showed my pancreas was swollen and angry and the treatment was to again shut down my whole digestive system.

I got a PICC line (a big-ass IV) so they could administer pain medication and nutrition directly into my major veins. They also gave me medicine to make my pancreas stop producing bile altogether. The plan was to just let everything rest and heal.

While the thought of a third hospital visit in one month's time didn't appeal, I was in so much pain that it was worth it because of the drugs alone. I was able to sleep and sleep and let my body recover.

By day four, the twins' birthday, I began feeling physically better, but emotionally quite depressed. I was still in the hospital and wouldn't be able to see them on their special day. I have a tradition where on my kids' birthdays, I wrap my arms around them and tell them about the day they were born. This year, I had to do it by phone.

After hanging up, I cried my eyes out. I don't think there's anything worse than for a mom to not be able to be a mom.

Not only did I miss hearing their voices and giving and receiving countless hugs and kisses, I ached to make them lunch, give them baths, clean up their messes. Every time I think about it -- even now that I'm home -- I cry.

Thankfully, I was released a few days later and the whole crew came to pick me up. Sitting in the front seat, I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of bickering from the back seat -- and it was pure heaven.

I've been home for two days now and feel better than I have in weeks. I'm still very tired and am limited to drinking liquids for a while longer. I am not allowed to drive or lift anything heavier than 5 lbs. -- which means I can't scoop up Crowbar and hold him upside down for a good while longer.

So, I believe that things are finally going to improve around here. I'm going to continue to get better and stronger and slowly begin taking back my mom duties. In fact, I've got a load of laundry going right now. (Never thought I'd be happy to do laundry.)

Finally, I'd like to say thanks to everyone for all of your well-wishes and help during this tough time. I don't think I've ever had so many people praying for me at once. I appreciate everyone's care and concern and want you to know that it's made a big difference in my recovery. Thank you.

~ ~ ~

PS -- I'm planning a post where I'll do nothing but gush on Mark. For over a month, he's run this house like a pro. From laundry and meal prep to tucking in and saying nighttime prayers, he's been simply incredible. I know this experience has brought him and the kids even closer and has made us appreciate each other more than ever.