The makers of Wii Sports can kiss my ass.

Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. I really do like the game - but it's their fitness age assessment tool that's for the birds.

If you haven't tried it, Wii is really, really fun. And addicting.

In fact, Christmas day, Mark and I broke in our family's new console by playing Wii Sports, Wii Games and Blazing Angels for nearly 10 hours straight. (We were also drinking mimosas the whole time, making it easy to lose track of time.)

Anyhow... what's fun about the Wii game system is that you get up out of your chair and move around to play it. When you play tennis, you're actually swinging the remote like a racket. It's fun - and a pretty decent workout. I was sore for 3 days after our Wii marathon.

Anyhow, the game has a module that tests you on your balance, coordination and stamina during three Wii Sports games: tennis, baseball and bowling. At the end of the test, it assigns you a Wii fitness age.

Mark tried it first. I was upstairs, putting the kids to bed when I heard him yell at the TV.

"46?! Are you kidding me?!"

He's 34 years old.

Convinced the reading was a fluke, I took the assessment. I did pretty well on every sports module except baseball. I got more foul balls than fair ones during batting practice -- but when it came to bowling and tennis, I was a super. I nailed every pin and returned almost every serve.

At the end of the test, my Wii fitness age was revealed.

51.

"Gah?!"

Now I know this was not a true scientific experiment. This wasn't like wearing electrodes and jogging on a treadmill for 20 minutes. There was no measuring of my pulse rate or monitoring my breathing.

This is just a video game - a children's toy.

But still... I'm an extremely vain woman in a very delicate state. My 36th birthday is approaching, and bringing with it a new bundle of anxieties. Just last night, I noticed a new gray hair - right in front, thankyouverymuch. I really don't need a toy to make me feel worse.

I handed Mark the remote and then went over and picked up my knitting bag - announcing that I was going to engage in a hobby that's more suitable for an old lady like myself. (Secretly, I vowed to do the test again. Alone. And over and over until I get a score I'm more comfortable with.)

A few hours later when I got up to go to bed, Mark was still playing the game. He was breathing hard and his shirt was damp with sweat.

"Good night, honey."

"Huh? Yeah, whatever. Good night," he said, never taking his eyes off the screen.

Funny I learn my Wii fitness age right when I'm setting my weight loss goals for the new year. Instead of shooting for a BMI of 22, maybe I should go for a Wii fitness age that's closer to my real age. Or younger. Maybe that'd make turning 36 a little easier.

Yeah, right.