Kids say the darnedest things.

Like telling another kid to “shut your pie hole” at the after-school program --- all within earshot of Mean Miss Donna, no less.

Mad Dog maintains that she didn’t know it was bad – she thought it was just a funny sounding word.

And who can deny that? I think pie hole is of the funniest words I’ve ever heard. In fact, I giggle whenever I hear someone use it. I know, totally juvenile, but I can’t help it.

My ex and I used to argue over which was funnier: pie hole or its close cousin, cake hole. Personally, I always found cake hole a little boorish. Pie hole, on the other hand, seemed to have a little more to it. Lewd? Yes, but somehow, a little more discerning.


It is important to note, however, that I NEVER use this kind of language around the kids. EVER.

So, when Miss Donna pulled me aside and clued me into Mad Dog’s infraction, I was caught completely off guard. I think I let out an uncomfortable combination snort-laugh and, after seeing the look of horror on her face, assured Miss Donna that language like that was certainly not permitted at our house. I blamed TV and told her we’d be reevaluating which shows the kids would be allowed to watch.

When we left, Mad Dog apologized and said she had, in fact, heard the phrase on TV.

“So it's a swear word? They can say swear words on TV and we can’t say them in real life?”


She had a point. There's so much said on TV that's borderline. And I'm not talking about prime-time network pushing limits. I'm talking about kid-oriented TV shows like Total Drama Island, 6Teen and other daytime shows on Cartoon Network. After watching a few episodes of these shows, the girls started walking around claiming they're into "goth" and calling themselves "pre-teens."

Girls, you're eight. You're actually post-babies.

Anyhoo... I tried to explained that there are some words that aren’t technically swear words, but are still bad. Even though they sound funny, they have naughty meanings and we’ll get in trouble if we say them at school, church or around grandparents.

I think she only half got it.


Despite the fact that I feel like a total hypocrite for banning pie hole in the house, I had to. I've since banned the offending TV shows and have really been harping on the importance of using kind words instead sketchy ones to make a point.

Banning pie hole means I had to reach down deep, past my affinity for the word fuck (it's just so versatile!), find my inner grown-up, and lay down the law -- even if it means being hypocritical.

And, I'm going to try hard to shut my own pie hole when it comes to swearing.