I'm thinking that I'll start my own crazy-house-full-of-kids/extreme-cooking-challenge/talk-show-host/advice-guru kind of thing.
Here's why:
1) I've got a boatful of wacky, quick-as-a-whip scamps who are full of personality, just waiting for TV stardom.
None of my four -- count 'em FOUR -- kids is camera shy, as proven by an ill-fated Skype chat with my parents that ended with me yelling to stop with the extreme close-ups of tonsils already!
They're full of hijinx and mischief. And they're cute as hell. And they'll work for me for free.
2) I've got mad cooking skillz.
The Dinner Impossible guy and Chopped series have got nothing on me. I face extreme cooking challenges on a daily basis.
I'd like to see their so-called experts try making a healthy, well-balanced meal (that a kid will actually eat) for 9 cents a serving with nothing but a pound of hamburger, stale Ritz crackers and a jar of maraschino cherries.
Oh, and they have to do it while soothing a crying baby, teaching long division to a pair of fifth graders, and folding laundry.
You think you've got a culinary challenge? Bring it on.
3) I love to talk. A lot.
Whenever I'm home for an extended period of time, I realize just how much I like to talk. It's when my captive audience (co-workers) are out of the picture that I begin to suffer a withdrawal of sorts.
I need human interaction. I need adult conversation. (And updating my Facebook status every 30 seconds isn't cutting it.)
Plus, I need to hear about people whose lives are WAY more interesting than my own.
4) I love telling people what to do.
I don't like to think of myself as bossy. I'm... helpful. And by the number of people who ask for my opinion on things, so do they.
You want to know if you should dump that guy (yes), if you should get that particular sofa set (no), or if that dress makes you look fat (sorry, but...) I'm your go-to girl.
Go ahead. Ask me for advice. I've been dying to tell you what to do too.
- - -
So while I wait for that book deal to materialize, I'm over here Food Network and TLC execs.
But I've gotta warn you, I don't come cheap.
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6 comments:
"I'd like to buy a vowel, please."
Oh wait, wrong game show...
Yes, I completely agree that a mash up of Chopped and Food Network Challenge would be awesome. Judging by children (preferably, yours) would be best.
"Ok, chefs. Your basket contains a dozen green beans, eggs and frosted mini wheats. Your challenge is to make a kid-friendly side dish. You have 7 minutes before the youngest kid throws a tantrum. Go."
Yes, I agree. When I was home on maternity leave I watched a LOT of TLC...too much as a matter of fact. :-)
So, what is your name on Facebook?? You should "friend" me...I am Cindy Humes Clark.
Megan - Bingo! Forget the snooty panel of culinary experts. Getting judged by young kids is way more challenging. I'd like to see those top chefs stand up to a 3-year old who throws an ear-splitting tantrum because their meat is touching the veggies on their plate.
Cindy - Despite my willingness to write about just about anything that goes on in my house, due to safety concerns, I try to avoid revealing personally identifiable info, including becomeing FB friends with just anyone.
If you're the Cindy I know (and I'm 99% sure you are), can you answer the following security screening question?
Who are Dusty and Susie?
You're going to make it all look so easy. And then we're going to hate you. Still, I need that recipe. No one around here has been to the grocery store in weeks.
SK
Sorry it took me so long to respond...yes, I am certainly the Cindy you remember from grade school. I can't believe you remember my dogs Dusty and Susie...geez, that was so long ago!! We had to put them down probably 20 some years ago. I also saw you at Brookfield Square years ago - your twins were in a stroller I believe. You also came over to my house probably 20 years ago and I didn't recognize you by looks, I recognized your laugh. We also saw each other at the Milwaukee Humane Society where Rob and I were picking out a dog for us in February of 2009...is that enough info?? :-) We got the dog and love her!! So, Facebook name: Cindy Humes Clark... :-)
Okay, I'm still a little foggy...
Are you the Cindy who used to invite me over for sleepovers where we'd play Oregon Trail and Lemonade Stand on your computer --and were the ONLY person I knew who even had a home computer back in 1983?
And the Cindy who had that awesome dollhouse? And who let me try to play that organ in your living room, despite me never having had a lesson and sounding really, really awful?
And the Cindy who you let me sleep on the top bunk EVERY SINGLE TIME because you were also the only person I knew with a bunkbed and it was my only chance to sleep so high off the ground?
That Cindy?
Kidding! See you on FB!
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