High roads and hangovers.

Remember when you were young and dumb and after a night of drinking too much would wake up in a foggy haze and slowly remember bits and pieces of the night before that made you feel sick with regret because the things you said and did were SO AWFUL and could only be made worse by a crushing hangover?

I do.

I remember (or barely remember) having a horrible fight with my roommate once. I said horrible things to her and then said horrible things to our friends behind her back. When I woke up the next day, sick from too much red wine, I felt worse recalling how petty and awful I'd been.

I also remember that day, vowing that I'd never again let myself get that out of control or that out of line. I promised myself to try my best to take the high road whenever possible. And that by doing so, I'd avoid the hangover of guilt and regret that lasts days after the alcohol-induced one wears off.

I was recently talking to a co-worker about issues with my ex-husband. He's a good guy, but is full of good intentions that never seem to materialize. Despite the fact that he's relatively successful professionally, his personal life is a mess.

Seeing as he's the one who left me with the lion's share of responsibility for our three kids, I have a right to be angry and hostile. I would be justified finding some satisfaction in watching him fail. And, if I held his past mistakes (as awful as they are) against him and didn't ALWAYS let him see the kids whenever he wants, I seriously doubt anyone would blame me.

But, instead, I've vowed to take that high road. And I'm doing it as much for me and my peace of mind as I am to let my kids have the best chance at a healthy, fulfilling relationship with their dad.

In fact, I spent an hour on the phone with him last night, talking about school work and orthodontics, trying to help him feel connected to and informed about his children. Our children.

I know my relationship with him is a marathon, not a sprint. I know I've got at least 15 more years of serious co-parenting left to go. And then, we'll enter a new chapter together. We'll learn how to stand side by side and smile at our children's' weddings, our grand kids' baptisms and, God willing, our great-grand kids' births.

I know that someday, I'll look back and be proud of how I carried myself. I'll be proud of the way I chose to parent - and co-parent. And I'll have few regrets for the choices I've made. I will have avoided a decades-long guilt hangover. And I'll be glad.