Recently, I've had a few lapses in judgement that may disqualify me as Mother of the Year.
Every Mom makes mistakes from time to time. Most are small, but many significant enough to accumulate into therapy fodder for years to come.
I warn you. The mistakes below are so heinous, you may want to just stop reading now.
Unless...
you need to feel better about your own missteps -- or you need to be scared straight to tidy up your own lax household.
Either way, let my life serve as a cautionary tale to mothers everywhere. Brace yourself:
Top 5 Questionable Parenting Moments - 2011 edition*
5. Buying pet rats for Mad Dog and Crowbar, bringing our current headcount to: 2 adults, 4 kids, 2 dogs, 2 fish and now 2 rats. Apparently I thought I needed more poop to clean up.
4. Letting The Deuce, 11, try a mocha frappuccino. She's taken to it like crack and is constantly badgering me for her next fix. Introducing the Type A kid to caffeine. What was I thinking?
3. Giving $20 to a pair of 11 year-olds to buy their dinner from the little league snack bar. (Assuming they'd pick up a pair of hot dogs, chips and a soda, they returned with rope licorice, sour patch kids and Mountain Dew.)
2. Telling The Deuce that if she touched the last brownie -- MY brownie -- I'd smack her clear into next week.
1. Prompting Crowbar, 6, to tell his dad (my ex), "I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew. I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!" I thought it'd be funny. Honest. But now, he parrots the phrase everywhere, all the damn time.
I'm not proud of these mistakes. I regret each one wholeheartedly. But I must vow to stop flogging myself for past transgressions and instead, look ahead to the future with optimism -- optimism and hope that despite my best efforts, these kids will still turn out to be contributing members of society.
Cross your fingers for me.
* These are just recent mistakes. If you look back in the vault, there's more. A lot more.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
I'll fess up to my most recent questionable parenting moment.
I ran downstairs to toss a load of clothes into the washer.
Silence.
"Wow, he's playing really well all by himself."
More silence.
"Better get back upstairs just in case...because he's REALLY quiet."
Enter living room to find a sharpie marker in DS's hand and post-modern abstract drawings across the kitchen floor, refrigerator, walls, coffee table and carpet. Of course, he had a huge grin on his face.
Ouch. That's rough!
I'm sure he was so proud of his artwork -- every other time he draws, you oohhh and aahhh over it. He must've thought he was doing you a favor by sprucing up the place.
Post a Comment